"Heartache"
"God, I love to suffer. I get a thrill from it. The feeling of emptiness in the pit of my stomach coupled with the agony of waiting fills me with joy! Please, Lord, put the weight of the world on my shoulders - and no one else's! Allow me to feel, with every inch of my body and in all of my spirit, the burden of pain, and suffering,
and heartache."
Said no one….EVER.
At least, no one that I know. God, we know that hardship and heartache are part of life. They come with the territory of being alive. But, if I am honest with myself and with you, the thrill comes not from the suffering (no one wants to hurt, right?….right?), but rather from the way we see you and feel you beside us in our uphill climbs.
Lord, I get frustrated with the idea that humanity can handle anything that comes our way with ease and spotlessness. And I'm not praying for weakness over courage, just a little more honesty…and a lot more vulnerability.
As a new day dawns and fades again, there will be challenges to face. The people of your world do suffer and in lots of different ways. Teach us to be honest about the struggle of life. And show us the beauty that comes with letting go of our affinity with the idea that we must have it altogether. All the time.
What if "getting better" wasn't our end goal? What if, God, our "getting better" meant that we became more aware of our need and our heartache…facing it and owning it, and letting you more fully into the nuances and details of the pain that drowns us?
Teach us how to carry your love with us in our struggle and in our joy - so that we will come to see, when it's all said and done, that you are the one who carries us, and not the other way around.
What if that was the prayer of our hearts?
Amen.
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